I don’t like having feelings. Today’s first training session caught me off guard. At some point after two months of training, after certification, in real life, in a real counseling session with a client, I will tell someone they have tested positive for HIV. I will tell them they will not die today, tomorrow or next week. I don’t think I thought through the gravity of the situation. When I saw the volunteer post, I initially thought, awesome, I’ll sign up to volunteer as an HIV counselor to learn more about prevention and counseling. It will be great training and teach me to work with diverse communities.
It seems I only find the most challenging things for myself, either consciously or unconsciously. Why do I keep raising the bar in everything I do? Why can’t I not be me, and sit in front of a TV watching whatever is on Wednesday night? I think I might consider buying a sofa and TV after summer semester is over.