The downside to using shampoo and conditioner is sometimes I stand in the shower and I can’t remember if I used the conditioner yet. Does this happen to you? I know I’ve washed my hair because my hair feels clean but I can’t quite feel if it’s ultra soft, like keratin conditioned.

I don’t think my life is any more overwhelming than any one else’s life however I do know I’ve reached a level of despair when I can’t remember if I washed or conditioned my hair while standing in the shower for 3 minutes.

I did a preliminary inventory of my belongings. Even though I only own two t-shirts, (not an exaggeration), I own a bow and arrows, two bicycles, an ice axe, a climbing helmet and harness, three different large size hiking/camping backpacks, two sleeping bags, two wet-suits, a tent, a picnic blanket, and a dining room table with seating for six. All of these things I plan to bring with me to the next place. The other items I own, a bed, dresser, desk, can be sold or brought with me. They are of lesser value to me. I did this preliminary count because I might have to move by the end of the month. Unfortunate but true, the master tenant of the house is leaving and the lease is under her name. She is asking the landlord if we can stay, but he might raise the rent, in which case I will have to leave. Or, best case scenario, he will let us stay at the same rent, but then I will have to manage all the house finances and for a student who makes very little money, it makes me uncomfortable owing $5K each month. I will choose the least worst situation after everything is sorted. Is it better to move (dealing with the ordeal of packing, finding a new home, actually moving and unpacking), or staying, finding a new 4th roommate (for downstairs – almost a studio space but without a kitchen), and managing $5K a month in bills?

The mental energy spent thinking about finding a new home depresses me. It’s nearly impossible to find affordable living in SF and based on my inventory, I have specific needs. I need a washer and dryer and I need a garage. They are non-negotiable. I can’t sell my dining room table with less than a month’s notice. The table will have to come with me to any new home. Neighborhoods, I love living near the park. I say the park, as if there were only one in San Francisco. Golden Gate Park needs no introduction. It’s the same way, I say, I’m from New York. It is assumed it is New York City. Where else could I be referring to?

At work today, A. helped me with my ethical question from the other day. She said, it’s not up to us to judge other people. It helped me realize, I cannot judge people for their actions but to help them through their moments of crisis. It helped me put my ethical struggle on the situation in perspective. Unrelated, also at work today, a customer asked if a back support device was to help lose fat, it looked like it cinched at the waist. I said, no, it’s for back support if you are injured… and, if you are trying to lose weight, you should exercise more. She wasn’t offended but her friend laughed. I wasn’t trying to be funny but honest. I would like it if more people were honest with me.

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